Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Emma Rose Part III

When I started these blog posts about Emma I debated what I should call them. My first option was "A Series of Unfortunate Events". Part I would have been titled "In which we plan to go on vacation". Part II "In which we unexpectedly become parents", and Part III would be called "In which they find mold in our apartment for the 3rd time in 3 years and we move up to the third floor." That seemed a bit excessive so we'll stick with Parts I-III.

Once again, for the sake of space, I'll summarize the events of the last few days.

Saturday: Dad and Max came to visit and see our little Emma. We spent Saturday in the NICU looking at our sweet girl, then enjoyed lunch. That evening we had a nice dinner with Dad at our apartment and went for a walk. Upon arriving home Layton went into the sewing/storage room to get something, and when he came out he told us the the carpet was soaking wet and mold was growing on the walls. Again. This had happened to the year before, as well to the prior tenants. So, we began the process of calling the manager and hospital to make sure we could still come and see Emma. We didn't want her to be exposed to anything that could compromise her health more than it already has been.

The manager gave us the option of moving upstairs. I was a mess and couldn't stop crying, I was so worried that we wouldn't be able to visit Emma for the risk it would pose to her. The nurse I talked with told me she would consult with the Doctors and let me know in the morning.

Sunday: The hospital called in the morning and said we could still come visit, we just needed to be cautious that we weren't wearing clothes that had been in that room. Thankfully none of our clothes are kept in that room. We attended church, made some yummy lunch, and had Max and Dad help us move our bed frame and dresser upstairs. Layton and I spent the rest of the day making small trips taking little things upstairs. Layton called his sister Tiahna to see if she would be available to come up to help out. She said she would leave that day. We met her at the hospital where she got to see Emma, and spent the rest of the evening moving.

Monday: More moving. Tiahna had her cute little girl with her so we took the whole day and made about a million trips and got almost everything except the couch upstairs. We went to dinner at the pizza pie cafe that night. Layton had worked all day mowing lawns and we were all exhausted.

Tuesday: Spent the morning moving and cleaning. Tiahna got to visit the school where she taught, and we all went to go see Emma. Had lunch. By the time we got back it was pouring rain so we went out to dinner and saw the new Cinderella movie. It was super wonderful!

Wednesday: Tiahna had to go home. Layton and I got settled into the new apt. and spent lots of time with Emma.

The rest of this week has been spent cleaning the moldy apartment, getting settled and organized, and spending as much time as we can with Emma. Some days are harder than others, on friday I spent the morning with Emma holding her, helping with her checks, sitting by her little isolette. It broke my heart to leave for many reasons, (there were more crying babies there than usual that morning). Most of the babies there are 30+ weeks so they are only there for a few days or even a week. They are a lot bigger than Emma and cry really loudly if they need something. On friday it was so noisy, and someone must have had a visitor because the whole place reeked of cigarette smoke. I wanted to pack up her isolette and take her home with me. I felt like such a bad mom leaving her there all alone. I know she is receiving great care and I love all of her nurses, but that doesn't make it any easier when I have to leave. The nurses get busy and don't always have the time to do more than simply take care of the children's physical needs. I know they do their best but it is still hard that I can't be there 24/7.

I know things will get better. I know that she will come home someday. My favorite part of any day is when I get to hold her. Lately after putting her in my chest and bundling her up with warm blankets she will reach out one of her arms like this as if she is telling me it will be alright. I really love my little Emma girl.


  1. That last pic just kills me! She is definitely a strong spirit. What a fighter! So brave. Thanks for sharing your story. We love you out here in CA and are praying for you all. Hugs<3

  2. It's like a great BIG (teeny tiny) Emma Hug for both her and her Mommy. What a ride you have had…..and what funny/appropriate names you came up with for your story. Your desire to be with her is so very normal. Every Mother of a preemie has told me the same thing… they struggle with guilt at having to leave and depression at not being able to take them home. Hang in there. I put your names on the prayer roll at the temple here again today when I was there. Oh how we love you.